Summary of Core Beliefs
Your belief system gives you a framework that helps you interpret and understand life experiences. A belief is something you accept as true, without question. That means you can expect that every day it will seem just as true as it was the day before. Your beliefs are deeply embedded in you, so you live your life without questioning them.
As part of your overall belief system you may, as a small child, have developed unbalanced or negative beliefs about yourself, that actually helped you ‘fit in’ to your family environment by making sense of things that happened to you.
Once you take on these false negative beliefs you find that you adapt and inner selves are created to help you become more acceptable in your family. For example, if you were constantly ignored or neglected, one of your core beliefs might be “I am not worthwhile.” Core beliefs become a summary of the most basic convictions we make up about self-worth, place in the family and the world and how we can expect others to treat us all our life. It is through our core beliefs we gravitate towards particular relationships.
Negative core beliefs tend to gain strength rather than weaken. They help make sense of your worst childhood experiences in the only way a small child can, by telling you that what went wrong was essentially your fault. Even though this assumption was based on false information, it becomes more firmly established over time through life events and experiences.
Today those beliefs will shape and guide much of your life: from the way you react in relationships, the individuals you select for friendships and even the type of career decisions you will make until you take action and overcome those beliefs. Until that time, no one can know your true self because you have been motivated to create a façade, thereby changing your natural personality to adapt to your environment.
These beliefs also reflect your deepest vulnerability and pain and help keep these locked within you. The key to attracting emotionally healthy relationships involves releasing these falsehoods.
Mark’s Story - In his words:
“The girl I dated very seriously just before my fiancé contacted me out of the blue. I broke it off with Melanie because she would disappear and would make no significant effort to develop emotional intimacy with me. It was very much of a one way relationship. I gave and gave and gave and got very little in return.
All of a sudden, I get this rush of attention from Melanie and she says she loves me and that the biggest mistake of her life was letting me go. I tell her I am engaged and this devastates her, but she doesn't give up. She professes her love, and tells me that I am her soul mate and that she is mine although I won't say it. Why does this person have such a hold on me?”
Mark’s mother was an alcoholic and as a result, experienced a lack of nurturance and empathy as a child. As an adult, he longs for the love she cannot reciprocate to him. He manifests his negative relationship pattern through his strong attraction to women who are cold and non-giving.
You Can Achieve Relationship Success
Together, we can work through any barrier to love so you can attain an emotionally healthy and lasting relationship. Take the next step towards healing and releasing these false beliefs once and for all.