Not Feeling Important in Love
Have you been in a relationship where the competition for your significant other's attention was against his children? Where should one look when negativity such as jealously arise in love?
Denise Asks Nancy:
I am a 35 year single mom dating a single dad for the past 5 months. We are both raising our children on our own. His son is 7 years old and my daughter is 11 years old. He is a great father who puts his son first. I am feeling jealous because when we do things together and the kids are around, he does not pay much attention to me. He can only call late at night after his son is asleep.
We just went to a hotel for the weekend and I felt like we were on two different family vacations. His son wants and demands all of his attention. I feel there is very little interaction between us when the kids are around. I asked him to come sit outside with me on the porch so that we could talk when the kids were inside watching television. He said I'll let you know and then went back inside to lay down with his son. He came 30 minutes later.
Throughout the night I was feeling hurt. After the kids went to sleep, I asked him if we could go outside and talk. He said talk about what and no that it was too muggy. Then I got very upset and asked why he couldn't give me the time of day. He said not when you're acting like that. I went outside, slammed the sliding glass door hard and threw a plastic cup in the air calling him an a name. I was hurt and I acted the wrong way.
I thought his son was asleep but he wasn't. He packed up his stuff and took his son home that night. I have never acted this way before and I'm ashamed I acted that way. He has not called and I don't know if I should just accept that its over or try to apologize.
Nancy's Advice to Denise:
Right now, while you are in the middle of the aftermath of this outburst, it may seem like the problem is in this particular relationship. The truth is that you appear to have a core belief that the people you love do not place you in a position of importance in their lives.
A sense of worth is one of the needs that God places in each one of us and when that need is unmet, we end up searching for ways to fulfill it, particularly in our romantic relationships.
Because of this belief, you will magnify situations such as with this man interacting with his child. You see that behavior as his rejection of you and your relationship. Your feelings are definitely valid, but they are exaggerated because of something in your past that you have not resolved and forgiven. Whoever first made you feel unimportant and unworthy of love is where you need to start. Until you acknowledge what happened, work through your past pain and hurt and then take steps towards forgiveness, you will repeat this type of relationship pattern with other men in the future.
Now is the perfect time for you to break free of this thinking and renew your mind with the positive thoughts God has about you. You are more than worthy of an emotionally healthy, mutually loving, trusting and respectful relationship leading to marriage. The key will be your belief that it can happen for you and that God will open the door - not only to healing, but to that perfect relationship He has in store for you.
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Why healing is necessary to attract true love
One of the most fulfilling moments in my work is to witness those light bulb moments when my clients understand why they chose certain people for relationships and truly get to a place of peace and healing. It is important to be free of the burdens of the past so God can show you the best possible person for true and lasting love.