Practical Steps To Take When Reconciliation Is Impossible
In recent years, January has become Divorce Month for those who cannot resolve their marital differences. An analysis of American divorce filings between 2008 and 2011 revealed a spike in divorces in January. It is suggested that one of the main reasons couples wait until January to file is the desire to wait until after the holidays to make this life changing announcement. While divorce should be the absolute last resort, exhausting every avenue of marital counseling and methods of repairing the relationship, couples can make this transition easier for their children.
First, as a couple, each parent should clearly express vocally their love for their children, reassuring them the decision to divorce is not reflective of their past behavior. Many children believe if they promise to be good, the parents will stay together.
Second, establish a routine for your children immediately. The foundation of their world has shifted, creating fears and anxiety. Stability is necessary to ease those emotions.
Third, do not use children as a go between for relaying messages to each other. Regardless of age, children do not want to be placed in the middle and have divided loyalties.
Fourth, refrain from saying negative things about your former spouse in front of your children, again regardless of their ages. That parent is still their mother and father and deserves respect. The proper place to vent and work through the feelings associated with divorce is with a counselor.
Fifth, talk to teachers so they know what is happening at home. Grades probably will suffer in the short run so it is important to prepare them for changes in behavior and study habits.
Sixth, remember there is never a good time to divorce. It is a decision that should never be taken lightly. Ideally, each spouse will take the time to work with a good counselor who can help each to work through their role in the demise of the marriage. It is vital to change that relationship pattern so each of you can provide an emotionally healthy role model in the future for your children.