Nurture Your Relationship and Grow Together
You may know couples whose divorce comes as a shock to others; they seemingly looked happily married but in reality were living separate lives. Most often, once children leave the house, a couple who has not nurtured their relationship over the years will find themselves seriously contemplating if the union is worth keeping intact. The key component to divorce proofing your marriage is staying emotionally connected on a daily basis. As a couple, it is vital to make a commitment to each other to prioritize quality time without distractions from children and other life demands. It is time worth investing in each other so you can grow and develop throughout your marriage and not reach a point where you and your spouse do not understand each other. Many affairs begin because a couple has neglected each other emotionally and seek validation from someone outside their marriage because they have become so depleted. Beside career demands, the number one reason why couples drift apart occurs when children and their needs are placed front and center.
How can a couple prevent children's needs to overtake their relationship connection?
Schedule regular date nights. Whether it is once a week or once a month, it is important to have this quality time to look forward to. I encourage couples to make the date mutually enjoyable, trying different venues to spend time together. One of the best ways to reconnect is to rediscover something you did before you married and relive those moments.
Establish daily couple time. Date nights are not enough to keep an emotionally healthy connection. A couple needs daily quality time; an extra 20 or 30 minutes first thing in the morning or after the kids are off to bed. The temptation is to use any extra time to catch up on household chores and other things on the to-do list. The most valuable item on that long list is making sure you both feel loved, needed and cherished.
Participate in shared adult activities. Not everything you do as a couple should revolve around kid activities. Balance is key in an emotionally connected marriage. While it's great to attend kids functions together, that should not be the extend of your fun.
How can a couple increase marriage longevity?
Prioritize the relationship. Make a commitment that the marriage is the focus of the family, not the demands and needs of the children. Our society favors the kids first and always mentality; however the best gift you can give the next generation is to model how loving couples behave toward one another. When it is their time to choose a spouse, they will gravitate toward someone likeminded.
Tangibly show mutual love. The words are not enough: each spouse needs to show love in the manner the other person wants to receive love. Words and actions will provide the nurturance you both seek and will bring mutual fulfillment and satisfaction.
Share individual life goals. Quality time does not mean being without the kids; it it defined as listening to each other without distractions. Use that time to share your dreams and goals as an individual and what you both envision as a couple. Spiritually, it is vital to grow in your faith and sharing those milestones with one another solidifies the solid foundation of your marriage.
Tackle conflicts and challenges immediately. Open lines of communication means you listen and respond accordingly to each other without feeling guilty. Rationalizing away concerns is the easiest path for avoiding conflict, but eventually leads to resentment and bitterness. The longer you allow disagreements to be openly unresolved, the more likely you are to retreat from one another.
Marriage is a gift from God which can lead to an ever evolving, spiritually growing, mutually satisfying and long lasting connection. There is absolutely no reason to drift apart when you make a vow to nurture the relationship daily.
Do you feel like you are not a priority in your relationship? The needs of the children and every day life should not overtake the necessity for strengthening your connection.Posted by Right Relationships on Thursday, July 17, 2014