Remarriage to the right person even in the best circumstances can have a few minor bumps along the way. The important factor is maintaining open and clear communication with each other and one’s children to avoid assumptions and hurt feelings. Be sensitive to the need for an adjustment period.
David Asks Nancy:
My wife died a decade ago after a long illness. I met a lovely woman two years ago and we slowly began dating. She has been a widow for many years and has five children. We are now engaged and planning a wedding and want to include our families in the ceremony.
Her two eldest sons plan to give her away and her granddaughters will be flower girls. I asked my son to be my best man and he refused. He said he is happy for us and will attend the wedding, but he prefers not to stand up for me because he feels it would be disloyal to his mother’s memory. I’m not trying to replace his mother and just want to bring both families together.
It is wonderful that you have met a woman with whom you can share this next stage of life with and experience love a second time. I know it is difficult to understand why your son has chosen not to stand up for you, but please do not take offense at his decision. I encourage you to honor his request and know it is not anything against your desire to marry again or the woman you love.
In your son’s mind, this decision makes sense and gives him a sense of peace toward his mother’s memory. As an adult, I do not believe he feels you are trying to replace his mother. Please do not hold this against him or allow it to prevent you from including him in family gatherings in the future.
Most people do not like change, even if it for the better and need an adjustment time. I encourage you to be thankful for a sensitive son who loved his mother and is supportive of your new life.