Worried About the Other Woman

Affairs, emotional and physical are damaging not only to the relationship, but also opens the mind to an area which was never meant to be explored. The consequences of one’s actions are not removed, even after one has turned from former ways. The armor of the Lord is the protection each person needs to keep on the path of righteousness. When temptation appears again, one will be prepared and strong to resist its attack.

Sue Asks Nancy:

“My boyfriend and I have been together 17yrs. The last 7 have been great; he first 10 were not so great. My boyfriend had upwards of 15 one night stands. I found out and was mad and hurt and decided I wasn’t enough for him and had 2 full blown affairs. I thought everything was fine between us after this and never thought he would cheat again, but I was wrong. When I got pregnant with our son, he said something in him changed and he never cheated again and neither have I.

Last month for some reason we decided to air out any secrets we had…this is when he found out about the affair of mine he didn’t know about and I found out about a few girls he’d been with. The difference is now instead of us being mad at each other we’re both heartbroken. We’ve gone through so much together over the years and thought we knew everything from the past. So finding all this out has been horrible…the good thing is the last month we seem to be so much more in love with each and affectionate to each other because we both realize how much we truly do love each other…we both don’t ever want to hurt the other again which is a great thing. We’re planning on going to Vegas in March just the two of us and quietly getting married. I’m worried this “honeymoon phase” might end and he may feel he’s made a mistake. I’m also worried about the girl he had an affair with who lives really close to us now. I’m afraid she will try to get back into his life and cause us problems. What do I do?

Nancy’s Advice:

It is important that you not allow fear to be the driving force in your life. If you expect disaster to strike, your faith in that negativity will bring that experience to you. Love does have different stages and when you both take the time to nurture your relationship, that love will grow deeply and intently. The “honeymoon stage” is just the beginning of the closeness you can experience in marriage.

The key is not to focus on the possible actions of someone not even in your relationship, but to tend to the needs of one another. When two people feel emotionally fulfilled, they generally will not do anything to damage what is now cherished. I also encourage you to find a good church to start attending together as a family so you can grow in your faith. It is this godly truth in the Bible which will provide the substance in your marriage, making it strong.

Please remember that your relationship model will be the one your children pattern after when they grow up. You and your fiance have a responsibility to your children regarding what love looks and feels like so they can choose emotionally healthy spouses in the future.

About Nancy Pina

Nancy Pina is a relationship expert, author and coach with a passion to show how every individual can achieve relationship success. Her message of emotional healing based on Christian values has blessed countless individuals. Nancy has been featured in numerous national magazines including: Runner’s World, Esquire, Men’s Health, Cosmopolitan and Essence. She is a frequent guest on television and radio shows and has appeared on The Today Show, Fox News and Daystar Houston.
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