If you are fearful of vulnerability, you may throw a wrench into a currently good relationship to avoid that intimacy. Many people believe that when their loved ones get to really know who they are, that other person will not accept and love them anymore.
Anna Asks Nancy:
“My story is complicated. I currently have a boyfriend who I’ve been with for almost 2 years. There is this other guy I’ve know most of my life and began to form a friendship which developed into love 9 years ago. We never got to establish a real relationship due to distance. My problem is my feelings of love towards him and my boyfriend at the same time. I think of him every day. We barely talk because now he has a child and girlfriend. I feel that he still has feelings whenever we do chat. I just don’t know what to do.
Do I tell him I still love him? Do I just stay with my current boyfriend and continue being tormented by the thoughts of the other guy? HELP. I don’t want to wonder for the rest of my life if I missed out on true love.”
The man you loved in the past moved forward with his life and is not available to you any longer. It is important that you stop obsessing about someone who considers you a friend only. Many times people sabotage a good relationship because they fear vulnerability. I believe it is vital that you make an honest assessment of why you find this man so attractive and why you are distancing yourself from the man who is present in your life.
You will not be able to form a lasting connection until you turn away from the past and cherish the gift of love that is with you now. It is a huge mistake to think there is someone “better” if you are already in an emotionally healthy and loving relationship now. I encourage you to focus on nurturing what you have instead of daydreaming about a relationship in which you project perfection.