Marriage is not a commitment to be taken lightly nor is it one to approach as temporary. Many people think if the relationship doesn’t unfold according to one’s personal ideal of love, then there is always the escape hatch of divorce. To experience the fulness of love, one must lead life with integrity.
Paula Asks Nancy:
My fiance is an amazing man and I’m lucky to have him, but because he’s in the military I don’t see him very often. I recently met a guy in one of my college classes who has made it clear that he’s attracted to me. I can’t help but feel the same about him.
He often asks me to study and hang out with him. Am I being disloyal if I innocently study or hang out with this guy without telling my fiance?
Yes, you would be disloyal to your fiance if you start hanging out with a man you clearly are attracted to physically. From what you have written, it appears you are not ready for marriage and it would be kinder to end the commitment now before you continue forward.
Many people go through with marriage because they already accepted a proposal and do not want to rock the boat or disappoint family members, among other reasons. It is much better to go through the short term uneasiness with a break up than to experience divorce down the road.
Life as a military life is especially challenging and it is important that you are strong in who you are, strong in your faith and confident enough to be true to your vows. Please talk to your fiance before you make any moves toward other men.