Fear of Commitment

Many people marry for the wrong reasons and live to regret it. No matter what the decision you are making in life or love, if you do not have peace within your heart, it is the wrong way. There are always consequences to actions done out of the wrong motive.

Chris Asks Nancy:

I’m due to be married in a few months to a woman I’ve been with for five years. I do love her. She is a wonderful person, and she’s sacrificed so much for me. She moved when I asked her to, far away from family, friends and career. She took jobs that were beneath her and supported me while I finished my legal education. She’s always been the giver; I’m the taker. Last year she asked me if I would ever marry her. On impulse I bought an engagement ring and proposed. However, I don’t want to be married to her and can’t articulate why. There is no one else; I’ve never been unfaithful or even interested in other options. I can’t think of one good reason not to marry this beautiful, intelligent, passionate, selfless woman.  I know I’m doing neither of us any favors by going forward when my heart’s not in it, but I can’t force myself to tell her the truth: I have no interest in ever growing up.  What should I do?

Nancy’s Advice:

The absolute worse, selfish thing you can do at this point is marry her. Marriage is a commitment not to be taken lightly and from what you have written, you do not truly have a desire to share your life in this type of covenant. Yes, you will be thought of as the “bad” guy, but it will be much worse dealing with the emotional fall out of a divorce and the upheaval that would bring into the lives of your future children. Until you explore why you do have no desire to grow up, it would be wise to drag another person into this emotional trap. I strongly encourage you to be a grown up on this occasion and be honest, truthful and candid with her. She already knows you are self-centered, however, you must communicate and bring this information into the light. Everything hidden in the dark places of your heart will be revealed in due time. Please take a step of faith and own up to your feelings.

About Nancy Pina

Nancy Pina is a relationship expert, author and coach with a passion to show how every individual can achieve relationship success. Her message of emotional healing based on Christian values has blessed countless individuals. Nancy has been featured in numerous national magazines including: Runner’s World, Esquire, Men’s Health, Cosmopolitan and Essence. She is a frequent guest on television and radio shows and has appeared on The Today Show, Fox News and Daystar Houston.
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