Everyone in relationships would love to avoid fighting and conflicts. We want to hold onto the feelings of closeness and intimacy, without the reality that some issues are going to push those emotional buttons.
When conflict arises, what is your reaction? Do you want to make it all go away as quick as possible and say and do whatever will get the relationship back to “normal?” Or are you the silent treatment kind who wants to let those feelings linger for hours, sometimes days and even weeks? You hold a grudge for a while and tend to bring it back up later in other conflicts.
Of course, neither one of these reactions leads to true forgiveness and an inviting atmosphere for real resolution of the matter.
The key is to find a method that allows your words to sink in with your significant other and signal healing. Everyone has a particular forgiveness and apology language and it is the responsibility of each person in the relationship to discuss what is needed prior to a disagreement. If you are like most of us, we tend to wait until the crisis happens and panic in that moment. Thankfully, you can prepare for the next time!
As a relationship coach and author, I advise you to remember that whenever your significant other overreacts it is a sign that an unresolved event from the past is the true source of the pain and anger. You unknowingly put your finger on the emotional button.
In the next article, I will discuss how you can achieve successful conflict resolution and change your past reactions to conflict in love.
If you have a relationship question, please contact me and I will answer in an upcoming blog.